


I thought the world of you

by zora (nico_neo)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drunk Texting, Heartbreak, M/M, Post-Break Up, What Have I Done, that's just me projecting my sad feelings tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26481187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nico_neo/pseuds/zora
Summary: If Osamu needs to regret, he'll regret tomorrow.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	I thought the world of you

**Author's Note:**

> haha so that's just me letting my bad mood out i'm sorry
> 
> title and work based on Don't Let Me Go by Cigarettes After Sex

When Osamu was young, he thought the world of Rintarou. They were best friends. The person he was the closest to that wasn’t Atsumu. The person he was the closest to outside of a brother. Well, he was close to Aran, but it was different. Aran felt more like an older brother - a better one than Atsumu at that. Rintarou was his friend. His first friend maybe. Rintarou was his best friend. The person that could understand him the best. After Atsumu. It pained him to say it, but Atsumu would always be the one who understands him the best, out of everyone. But, Atsumu understands him as his twin brother, understands who Osamu really is because he’s always been by his side. Rintarou… Rintarou understood him. He was seeing right through Osamu’s mask. If that makes sense. 

To everyone on the outside, Osamu was laid back, quiet and apathetic. The quieter one, he is. He doesn’t talk as much as Atsumu, preferring being on the side and observing rather than under the spotlights and loud. But, that didn’t mean he was indifferent or unpassionate. Even if he doesn’t necessarily show it. That’s the subtlety in Osamu. And Rintarou saw right through him. Because he is the same. Maybe that’s why they clicked. Maybe that’s why they worked so well together.

Rintarou was all Osamu wanted then. Someone that didn’t push him to talk, someone that could understand his unspoken words rather than his spoken ones. Rintarou was the best friend Osamu never knew he wanted and needed, but that fate brought him on his way. Rintarou was also the lover Osamu never knew he wanted and needed. But that he got, eventually. Until he didn’t. Faded and never seen again. That didn’t mean Osamu had forgotten.

Osamu misses Rintarou.

He doesn’t remember how they ended. He doesn’t remember the bad moments, when he thinks about it. Only the goods. Light over dark. Good over bad. The only thing Osamu remembers is being an idiot to let him drift away… It had to come to an end eventually, right? Nothing can go smoothly forever, when you’re young. Osamu still bitterly thinks that no one else could have the love he and Suna shared. Not even perfect Bokuto and Akaashi. Not even perfect Atsumu and Sakusa.

_ And my heart goes  _

_ Out to you _

_ Wherever you are _

Osamu wished Rintarou could come to him. Or that he could come to Rintarou. Some way or another. He hasn’t seen him since they broke it off. How long has it been… two… maybe three years? They were seventeen when they met. Young, sweet seventeen. Old, bitter twenty three. They were twenty free, so it’s been three years. Osamu is twenty six now. 

Osamu wonders what Rintarou is doing. What he’s been doing, how he’s been doing since the last time they saw each other. The  _ last time _ they saw each other. He knew for a fact he was still playing with the EJP Raijin. But that was it. No phone calls, no texts. He has wanted to call. He has wanted to text. But each time, his finger hovered over the sent and call button for long, unfinishing seconds. He never called. He never texted. 

But right now, probably drunk out of his mind, Osamu’s filter had said goodbye and left the place to boldness. Or was it despair. Was it sorrow. He didn’t remember when he had started drinking tonight. Probably when that Cigarettes After Sex song came up. And Osamu didn’t cry. Atsumu was the crier, believe it or not. Osamu just bottled it up, and when it had to come out, it would come out in ways that aren’t tears. That means excessive cooking to get his mind occupied… Rintarou would always come behind him and wrap his arms around his waist. He would hide his face in Osamu’s neck and drop featherlight kisses until his body would stop shaking with the overload of emotions swirling in it. His other option was drinking. Not until he was blackout drunk, but until he was tipsy enough to just forget a bit of the reality he was living in. To get his mind to  _ forget _ . Like Rintarou probably did. Like Atsumu keeps telling him to do. 

But Osamu can’t. Osamu is not Atsumu, when it comes to love. On that point, they’re polar opposite. Osamu falls fast, and he falls  _ deep _ . He gives his all he sometimes forgets himself. Atsumu is more patient, slower but that doesn’t mean the fire inside of him blaze weaker than Osamu’s. Maybe they have one common point when it comes to love, in the end. 

One thing that Atsumu can do, for sure, is that he can  _ move on _ . It might take time, depending on the depth of affection he has for the person, but he gets there, eventually. And that’s a thing Osamu can’t do. 

He can’t  _ fucking _ move on apparently. And his drunken brain perfectly knows that.

_ Stay with me still _ he sends. It marks down delivered so at least Suna hasn’t changed his number or blocked him. That's good news in a river of darkness. He doesn’t even know if his text makes sense, but he’s too drunk, and too  _ tired _ to care. If he needs to regret, he’ll regret tomorrow. 

_ Are you drunk? _ is Rintarou’s answer. Osamu needs a moment to read it. Rintarou has answered. He hasn’t ghosted him like Osamu expected. He hasn’t taken ages to respond - well, he was always on his phone so… 

_ No _ Osamu sends. Then,  _ maybe _ . 

_ You are _ , Suna answers. Almost immediately again. 

_ So what if I am? _ Osamu thinks through gritted teeth. He sends  _ I’ve missed you. _

Rintarou doesn't answer immediately this time. But Osamu sees his bubble popping up, so he’s definitely writing. Osamu shouldn’t feel that hopeful. The fall always hurts more than the crash. 

_ We’re over Samu _ is the answer that eventually comes up.

_ Doesn’t that mean I can’t miss you still? _ Osamu is not a crier, so he blinks the tears away. He taps his answer.  _ Stay by my side _

_ Go to sleep Samu _

_ Stop calling me ‘Samu _ , Osamu thinks bitterly. He wants to tell him he lost that right the day he left their apartment. That it was only for ´Tsumu to call him like that now. But he doesn’t have the strength. Instead, he says  _ come to me and don’t let me go _ . Don’t let me go like I let you go. Please. Allow me to take you back and don’t let you go again. Stay with me, please.

He sends that. It’s a series of small, full of typos texts. He’s spamming Rintarou. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even realize he has done so. His last text says  _ stay by my side _ . 

_ We’re done, Osamu. Go to sleep.  _

_ Don’t let me go _ , Osamu sends again. He feels bile rise down his throat. He’s going to throw up. 

_ Osamu, we’re done. I’m dating Komori, stop. _

Osamu is not a crier. But when Suna sends a last  _ go to sleep and drink water. Goodnight Osamu _ , Osamu felt the first tears escaping his eyes as he stares at his phone from where he’s lying on his side on his too-big-for-one-person bed. The room is cold, his bed is too big, his apartment is too quiet. Osamu is alone, his eyes stings and the tears dampen the pillow he’s going to sleep on tonight.

Osamu is not a crier but in his cold and big room, Osamu weeps. The sobs escaping his chest and throat are painful and he’s having trouble breathing. 

Osamu is not a crier but in his too cold and too big bedroom, he cries until his head throb and his eyes run dry of tears. 

Osamu is not a crier but in his cold room and too big bed, where no one is here to hold him and where he’s alone, his heart cries and bleeds heartache. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! \o/ 
> 
> Comments and kudos are my serotonin boost!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bokutowantsyou)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/bokutowantsyou)  
> 


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